stewards questions

Q. How were you first prepared to be made a Steward?

A. I was divested of my jacket and my shirt sleeves were rolled up. An apron was girdled about my loins, and a corkscrew placed in my hand.

Q. What is a corkscrew?

A. An instrument fashioned like a winding staircase, which our ancient brethren ascended to receive their beer.

Q. Where did they receive it?

A. In a convivial room adjoining the chamber.

Q. How did they receive it?

A. In half tankards and tankards.

Q. Why in this peculiar manner?

A. In half tankards well knowing that they could easily be replenished, or in tankards from the great reliance they placed in the mildness of the brew in those days.

Q. Name the two signs which hung at the door of the entrance to the chamber.

A. That on the left was BASS and that on the right GUINNESS.

Q. What are their separate and conjoined significations?

A. The former denotes in strength, the latter in thickness and when conjoined instability.

Q. What is beer?

A. A peculiar product or chemistry, veiled in mystery and illustrated by labels.

Q. How is it depicted?

A. By a shovel full of hops near a barrel of water, and the import of the sign is befuddlement.

Q. How do you know yourself to be a steward?

A. By repeated trials and sessions at the bar and a willingness of the W.M. to release me early so as to be able to get to the bar before the other less fortunate brethren.